Umbrella etiquette

I dread it raining.

Not for the rain in itself, which can be nice after a clammy humid day, especially in and around a heaving metropolis. It comes as a welcome relief. Not so much fun I grant you when it is coming down in stair-rods and you are soaked through to the very core.

No, the dread of which I write is brought about by umbrellas and more specifically the people (mis)using them.

I believe it is just another manifestation of the general lack of awareness and consideration for others.

I shall elucidate. As I walked along a fairly busy thoroughfare in London which I shall call the Kings Road, because that's where it was, and as it was raining, I had my umbrella up like so many others keen to remain as dry as possible.

The problem comes when you encounter another person with an umbrella headed straight towards you.

If we were motorists approaching one another along a single track one would pull into a space to let the other pass.

When I encounter a fellow umbrellaist coming the other way, I tend to either tilt mine away from them and if they are a considerate person they will do likewise and we pass without incident or further ado.

When that is not possible or practical I raise my umbrella to a sufficient height so as to allow the other person's to pass under without collision. On occasion the on-comer beats me to the maneuver and I, nodding my thanks lower mine as I pass below.

What irks me no end are those inconsiderate persons that not only fail to observe the rules of polite umbrellaship, but keep their umbrellas so low as to endanger other pedestrians thanks to them being held at eye level.

Then there are the times when umbrellas should be furled... for instance when standing beneath a bus shelter. Today I encountered someone who by my reckoning had reached a zenith of stupidity/ignorance.

Not only was the woman who is about to be subjected to my scorn and ridicule standing under a bus shelter with her umbrella fully deployed, but she was also wearing  a large yellow cagoule (of the kind favoured by tourists, hikers and riders of theme park water rides) with the hood up!!!

As I approached her, I realised that due to the proximity of the shelter roof I could not raise my brolly, not could I tilt it thanks to the wall close by. So I lowered it and partially collapsed it and proceeded through the downpour, only to have to veer suddenly to one side as the offending woman turned to look at one of the maps on the wall of the shelter, tipping back her umbrella and thrusting the rim right at my face. Why was I given such a reproachful glare when I issued a harsh "Excuse Me!!" ? The woman was so totally engrossed in her own world as to be practically unaware of her surroundings. If only people paid a little more attention when out and about then such incidents of umbrella rage need not occur.

Don't even get me started on golf umbrellas. Unless you are a golfist and have your bats on the pitch for a match when it starts raining then you have no legitimate reason for carrying said item.

Now, do I feel better for having unburdened myself into the vastness of cyberspace – partially and I suspect it will be short lived as I proceed through life with trepidation ever cautious of the next thing that will take the sine off my day.

On a lighter note – still on the subject of umbrellas – I have a splendid one. It is black, full sized, automatic and most notably has a handle resembling the hilt of a samurai sword. It is flamboyant yet practical and is responsible for a plethora of reactions and responses ranging from alarmed stares and double takes through to smiles and laughter and more enquiries as to where I got it than I can count..

available from: http://kikkerland.com/   and no doubt copyright them  ;)

It is this that makes up for not only the shitty weather we are having to endure while someone remembers what they did with summer, but also those who persist in using their umbrellas without due care and attention.